I had a dream where I was a princess and he was a commoner. He took me away from my life cooped up in the palace and I was free, freer than ever before as we rode away on a white horse. Then we dismounted in a secluded glade, and he started peeing on my feet. No matter where I moved or how I tried to get away, he kept pissing on my feet and laughing at how upset I was getting. Things have been going downhill for a while, but I woke up with a light bulb over my head after that.

—Nia

Aftermath: The end is in sight.

He started pulling a pillow between us whenever we slept. He said he didn’t want me to get offended by his breath. Oh come on.

—Cocotambo

Aftermath: It ended after a month.

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

—Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”

We went on a date despite the fact that she had just given birth three months ago (I didn’t ask and didn’t care). We were making out in my car and she kept complaining that her boobs hurt when she didn’t “remove” the milk. She asked me if I wanted to see them. As a guy, I would NEVER turn down the sight of boobs. I thought it was an invitation to upcoming sex, but I was DEAD wrong. She relieved herself by squirting milk all over the inside of my car, dashboard, rear-view mirror…

—Accol

Aftermath: Ever try scrubbing breast milk off the inside of your car? Didn’t think so.

I couldn’t believe I had found a guy who shared my appreciation of ABBA and Liza Minnelli…until he told me “I’m not straight, but don’t worry, I don’t actually want to sleep with guys.”

—Amy

Aftermath: He lost his beard that day. He still can’t understand why I won’t just look past his orientation.