clashes

 

“No Coffee”

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I knew it was over the day he stood in the kitchen yelling at me because we were out of coffee.

—Much Happier Now

Aftermath: I’ve been divorced from him now for 8 years.

This post was submitted by Much Happier Now.

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“Getting Even”

best of clashes

My wife of 20 years cheated the 1st time with her boss & the 2nd time with our Roman Catholic priest. She cried & begged me to stay. I did & watched her spend all her savings to nice me up while I saved every cent. Now she is broke & brokenhearted and can’t pay next months rent. She will be evicted. I’m leaving this weekend fully satisfied and vindicated.

—Louis

Aftermath: I won’t even say good-bye. She’ll have to figure it out.

This post was submitted by Louis.

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“Spielberg’s Purple Jaws”

best of clashes

During the 2009 Golden Globes there was a tribute to Steven Spielberg. He said, “Spielberg didn’t direct Jaws.” I said “What?!” He said, “He may have produced it, but he didn’t direct it.”

Pause. “He didn’t direct The Color Purple, either.”

—Dirks

Aftermath: I moved out.

This post was submitted by Dirks.

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“Priorities”

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He dragged our 6 year old daughter across the room by her arm then smacked her in the face for crying about it.

—Cecilia

Aftermath: I divorced the bastard. Now he brings women to his kids’ football games and gives up his time with them to go out on his dates.

This post was submitted by Cecilia.

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“Last Waltz”

clashes

Me: Divorced, over 40. He looked OK online, supposedly adult; some email conversations. He asked late one night to watch a DVD, The Last Waltz. Bored, hadn’t seen it; I said sure. He lives in father’s basement (bad); dirty sofa, ten remotes (very bad). He started the movie and two minutes later, lunged. He had a large erection; seemed he was working on it himself beforehand. I said no thanks. He argued, I got up, he hit me with classic sour grapes “You aren’t even that good-looking anyway.”

–veronica

Aftermath: 0 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds. I drove home laughing my head off and told all my friends. I mean, attempted date rape when you’re over 40 and a mother of a teen? Man, there is a time to be over this!!

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