It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends

Divorce papers

admin — Thu, 17 May 2012 13:00:41 +0000

I knew it was over when his wife called me to find out where she could send the divorce papers.

—Ali

Aftermath: She and I are friends. Who knows where he is now?

Legs

admin — Wed, 16 May 2012 13:00:10 +0000

He said he shaves his legs because he likes the feel of it and women tell him it drives them wild.

—Lolita

Aftermath: It remains to be seen.

Oompa Loompa

admin — Tue, 15 May 2012 13:00:55 +0000

I love the beach, it’s my happy place. But when I took him there, he whined about the sand like a little bitch.

—A

Aftermath: We stayed together for 4 years & he continued to be Debbie Downer. After we broke up, I watched Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory for the first time since 3rd grade & realized he strongly resembled an Oompa-Loompa.

Completing the Family

admin — Mon, 14 May 2012 13:00:12 +0000

He brought his ex-wife to our dinner date. Not only was her name the same as mine, but he explained that they were looking to complete their family. He then proceeded to tell me the rules of the house and punishment for breaking those rules (something about flogging). Yeah, that wasn’t happening.

—Jenn

Aftermath: They are still looking for their third!

Over it

admin — Sun, 13 May 2012 13:00:27 +0000

I knew my first fiancé wasn’t for me when, a week after my grandfather died, he asked me, “Are you not over it yet?”

—K

Aftermath: Sadly, I didn’t take the hint. I later discovered he slept with the holiday rep on a holiday I paid for. He was promptly dumped and then had the balls to stalk me for 18 months!

LSAT

admin — Sat, 12 May 2012 13:00:04 +0000

The night before the LSAT exam, my boyfriend drove his fancy car to my place instead of his Mazda, even though I live in a shady neighborhood. He kept me up all night because he would look out the window at every noise he heard to make sure the car was OK. Took the LSAT on 0 hours of sleep. The next day, having taken the LSAT and having been awake for 40 hours, I escorted him and his family to a tractor pull at a county fair. He whined that I was selfish and never did what he wants to do.

—farkat82

Aftermath: Three to four weeks later. LSAT results were in. I ended up getting 11 points lower than I had ever gotten on my lowest practice LSAT— all because I was sleep deprived because of his stupid car.

Watch me spin

admin — Fri, 11 May 2012 13:00:01 +0000

I saw a message from a girl on my boyfriend’s MySpace page in which she said mean things about me and called him “better than me.” His response to the message was, “Thanx, come watch me spin at the club.”

—Chloe

Aftermath: It ended many times after that, off-and-on ’cause he kept weaseling his way back into my life.

Princess & the pee

admin — Thu, 10 May 2012 13:00:49 +0000

I had a dream where I was a princess and he was a commoner. He took me away from my life cooped up in the palace and I was free, freer than ever before as we rode away on a white horse. Then we dismounted in a secluded glade, and he started peeing on my feet. No matter where I moved or how I tried to get away, he kept pissing on my feet and laughing at how upset I was getting. Things have been going downhill for a while, but I woke up with a light bulb over my head after that.

—Nia

Aftermath: The end is in sight.

Pillow

admin — Wed, 09 May 2012 13:00:31 +0000

He started pulling a pillow between us whenever we slept. He said he didn’t want me to get offended by his breath. Oh come on.

—Cocotambo

Aftermath: It ended after a month.

Gibbler

admin — Tue, 08 May 2012 13:00:27 +0000

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

—Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”