It Was Over When: Tales of Romantic Dead Ends

Lava

admin — Wed, 08 Feb 2012 13:00:00 +0000

After walking in to my apartment and glancing at my lava lamp she asked, “Is that real lava?”

—Jeremy

Aftermath: We made out and I dumped her a week later.

Pass the oatmeal

admin — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 13:00:32 +0000

I asked my boyfriend of two months to pass me the oatmeal in his 300 square foot studio. Bemoaning that my laziness would make him late for work, he called me a c*** while snapping my toothbrush in half, just inches from my face. After his tirade, he lay on the floor sweating and hyperventilating, which is what really made him late.

—Amy

Aftermath: We lasted two years, which was seriously skewed judgment on my part.

World of Warcraft (redux)

admin — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 13:00:58 +0000

It was over when I realized that I didn’t love him, that I was in love with someone else, someone who didn’t put the World of Warcraft before me.

—It’s Okay

Aftermath: It lasted another week and I never had the guts to tell the other guy that I loved him. I found out many months later, when I moved across the country, that he had always loved me too.

Walmart

admin — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 13:00:16 +0000

We’d been dating about four months, when, during a phone call, she told me that she considered the town I was living in (pop. 7,000) “too big of a city for her” and she wouldn’t live any place “that big” — and her goal in life was to retire from Walmart. I responded along the lines of “You’re joking right?” She hung up on me, and then wouldn’t answer the phone. When I stopped by her house, her mother answered the door saying, “She don’t wanna talk to you, you’ve upset her…”

—Doug

Aftermath: I never saw her face-to-face again, recovered the few items I left at her place and only look back to laugh at how happy I am that I’ve moved on.

Make-A-Wish

admin — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 13:00:31 +0000

He pretended to be the father of terminally ill child to get a free vacation to Disney World out of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

—Bobby

Aftermath: It lasted a week while I figured out the best way to break up with him without him wanting to ruin my life with harassment.

The Tudors

admin — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 13:00:44 +0000

He had just moved in with me about a month prior and one day while sitting on the couch together watching “The Tudors” on TV, I noticed he was picking at his toes. A few minutes later, I noticed that he was holding something between his thumb and index finger. Before I knew it, he had put the mystery piece in his mouth and about a minute later I heard a crunch sound. “Are you eating your toenail?” I asked. He looked embarrassed when he said, “Yes, it’s a nervous habit of mine.”

—Bethany

Aftermath: We are actually still living together, but not for much longer.

Axe Body Spray

admin — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:00:51 +0000

It was over when she told me she loved the smell of Axe Body Spray.

—G

Aftermath: Two weeks later, she cheated on me.

Marijuana

admin — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 13:00:59 +0000

Our relationship was a bit strained from the start, mainly because she liked to smoke weed and steal things from my apartment (which I’d eventually steal back). I was serving my 10th year in the Navy and living outside the base. The one thing I asked of her was to never smoke marijuana in my car. I was driving to work one morning and the military police pulled my car over for a random drug search. I didn’t think anything of it until the drug sniffing dog found her leftovers.

—Tom

Aftermath: Right after work, I confronted her about my “near jail experience.” She couldn’t understand why it was a big deal. She almost flushed my career down the toilet.

I am warrior

admin — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 13:00:10 +0000

I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his walls—legitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said “I am warrior.” Not “I am a warrior”—just “I am warrior.” Needless to say, I was frightened…and confused.

—Maddy

Aftermath: It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.

Beef jerky

admin — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 13:00:32 +0000

We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”

—TPoppins

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.