chemistry

 

“Axe Body Spray”

chemistry

It was over when she told me she loved the smell of Axe Body Spray.

—G

Aftermath: Two weeks later, she cheated on me.

1

“Puffy paints”

best of chemistry

He cried because he was afraid to go home to his family’s house for Christmas. His mother has a giant collection of puffy paints. His dad turned the spare bedroom into a meditation room, complete with rock garden. His siblings drew names out of a hat to see who got to put the angel on top of the tree. Terrifying. Also, one time he cried because he was afraid to go on a hike in the park.

—Noel

Aftermath: I slept with his best friend. Made both of them cry. God, I’m such a bitch.

3

“Bright pink and girly”

chemistry

We went to a pub on our third date, planning on meeting up with friends. They waited for us at the table while we went up to the bar. I ordered a Guinness. I had never heard of what he ordered, but the bartender came back with my beer and a glass of something bright pink and girly. I made him drink it at the bar.

—Amy

Aftermath: I broke up with him the next day.

1

“Too Thrifty”

best of chemistry

An unfortunate event led me to meet a hippie chick as a blind date. I was half-heartedly listening to her spout off the many ways she was thrifty as avid recycler and a freegan who rummaged through back alleys for clothing and used the Mooncup Menstrual Cup (blagh!). The world stood still for me when she said she did not use toilet paper. Instead, she used rags and washed them for reuse.

—Joshua

Aftermath: She sent emails, but I blew her off.

1

“Best in Show”

chemistry

I dated this girl for about a month. Very nice, great body, a sweet girl. I was watching the TV late one night and started watching the dog show comedy “Best in Show.” My new girl looked way too much like the rich, lesbian, dog-owner lady. Way too much like her. Disturbing! That was it, that was all I would see from then on.

—Scott

Aftermath: I couldn’t even look at her anymore . I told her it was over a nicely as I could about a week later.

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