I knew my first fiancé wasn’t for me when, a week after my grandfather died, he asked me, “Are you not over it yet?”
—K
Aftermath: Sadly, I didn’t take the hint. I later discovered he slept with the holiday rep on a holiday I paid for. He was promptly dumped and then had the balls to stalk me for 18 months!
He started pulling a pillow between us whenever we slept. He said he didn’t want me to get offended by his breath. Oh come on.
—Cocotambo
Aftermath: It ended after a month.
His eyes rolled back into his head if he experienced something pleasurable. I could get him to do it by scratching the top of his head. At one point, after he had been acting distant for a few weeks, I started scratching his head and his eyes rolled back for a few seconds before they snapped back into place—he looked at me and asked abruptly, “What are you doing?” All I could do was let my hand drop and respond, “Nothing.”
—Leah
Aftermath: I think we had our “spending some time apart” talk the next morning and officially broke up a few weeks later.
When he told me that we couldn’t move in together because he’d feel guilty when he brought other girls home.
—Natalie
Aftermath: Moved in with the guy I was sleeping with before him. He’s living with a guy.
He had dilapidated purple loofah gloves hanging in his shower. When I asked him if they belonged to his daughter, he said, “No, they’re mine. I have to keep my skin smooth.” The end.
—Angus La Rue
Aftermath: I broke up with him on the spot and cried my eyes out all the way home.
