We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”

—TPoppins

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.

16

It was over when I realized the thing I would miss most about his lying, cheating, sorry ass was his help carrying in the groceries.

—Natahley

Aftermath: We broke up. He moved out. I lugged my heavy groceries up to the fourth floor alone. I met a wonderful man, whom I’m now engaged to. I don’t speak to the loser anymore.

18

He implied that my girlfriends and I went out on the town to chase boys—and he therefore didn’t think I should go out with the girls. Insecurity = not very hot.

—Bill

Aftermath: I ditched his lame ass and I still never chase boys on girls’ nights.

8

I should have realized it was doomed when he couldn’t figure out a thermostat because it was too complicated.

—Anna

Aftermath: We dragged on another year, part of which was spent a half continent apart. If we’d stayed in the same house, we’d have split by Christmas.

6

I was at the store one day and happened to remember that my skateboarding boyfriend said he needed a new pair of shoelaces. So in an attempt to be a thoughtful girlfriend, I bought him a pair… but it was apparently the wrong kind. When I brought them over the next day, his only response was “If you can’t pay attention to the kind of shoelaces I wear, how can I expect you to understand my needs?”

—L.

Aftermath: We were together off and on for about 2 years, but it was high school so that’s pretty much an eternity.

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