best-of

 

“Walmart”

best of clashes

We’d been dating about four months, when, during a phone call, she told me that she considered the town I was living in (pop. 7,000) “too big of a city for her” and she wouldn’t live any place “that big” — and her goal in life was to retire from Walmart. I responded along the lines of “You’re joking right?” She hung up on me, and then wouldn’t answer the phone. When I stopped by her house, her mother answered the door saying, “She don’t wanna talk to you, you’ve upset her…”

—Doug

Aftermath: I never saw her face-to-face again, recovered the few items I left at her place and only look back to laugh at how happy I am that I’ve moved on.

1

“Make-A-Wish”

best of secrets!

He pretended to be the father of terminally ill child to get a free vacation to Disney World out of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

—Bobby

Aftermath: It lasted a week while I figured out the best way to break up with him without him wanting to ruin my life with harassment.

1

“The Tudors”

best of manners

He had just moved in with me about a month prior and one day while sitting on the couch together watching “The Tudors” on TV, I noticed he was picking at his toes. A few minutes later, I noticed that he was holding something between his thumb and index finger. Before I knew it, he had put the mystery piece in his mouth and about a minute later I heard a crunch sound. “Are you eating your toenail?” I asked. He looked embarrassed when he said, “Yes, it’s a nervous habit of mine.”

—Bethany

Aftermath: We are actually still living together, but not for much longer.

1

“I am warrior”

best of weird

I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his walls—legitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said “I am warrior.” Not “I am a warrior”—just “I am warrior.” Needless to say, I was frightened…and confused.

—Maddy

Aftermath: It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.

0

“Beef jerky”

best of quirks

We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”

—TPoppins

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.

3