best-of

 

“Should Have”

best of weird

Long distance relationship for 1.5 years. Lived together for a year and few months. I should have left when I had to sneak and take birth control pills because he had the crazy thought that if we had a baby that we would be together forever… I should have left when I had to start hiding the battery, phone and my cellphone in 3 different places at night so that he couldn’t check my cellphone to see if I was talking to other men. He had to go when he started sniffing my underwear every time I took them off.

—Nikki

Aftermath: After I finally got him to move out, he moved a few blocks away from where I lived. Two weeks later, a hurricane blew me to Texas and him to Georgia. After he realized that I wasn’t letting him come to Texas to be with me, he bought a house for us in Georgia that he’s still waiting for me to be a resident in….NOT!!!

This post was submitted by Nikki.

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“Matching Banana Hammocks”

best of chemistry

My boyfriend and his best friend bought the same “banana hammocks” and thought it was “normal” to wear them together at a fraternity party. Did I mention they were roommates?

—Heather

Aftermath: I later found out that he became bisexual with that roommate and now has a fat girlfriend who LOOKS like a man.

This post was submitted by Heather.

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“Knight in Fuzzy Carpet”

best of weird

My parents just carpeted our downstairs and my boyfriend at the time asked me if we had any carpet left. So I said yes and gave it to him without thinking what he needed it for. The next day he showed up to school wearing the carpet in the form of armor. And wore it for the entire day.

—Shauna

Aftermath: We broke up soon after this happened.

This post was submitted by Shauna.

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“Age of Love”

best of manners

I had been dating a younger man for several years. I had never been so in sync with anyone before and he felt the same way. He said: “This is the most incredible relationship; it’s beyond my wildest dreams.” I agreed. But I knew it was over when he said he loved me so much but he was doubtful because (his very words) “I don’t want to get stuck with an old lady.” Wow, words of love from Mr. Sensitive!

—Boopy

Aftermath: It turns out I didn’t get stuck with an idiot.

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“Getting Even”

best of clashes

My wife of 20 years cheated the 1st time with her boss & the 2nd time with our Roman Catholic priest. She cried & begged me to stay. I did & watched her spend all her savings to nice me up while I saved every cent. Now she is broke & brokenhearted and can’t pay next months rent. She will be evicted. I’m leaving this weekend fully satisfied and vindicated.

—Louis

Aftermath: I won’t even say good-bye. She’ll have to figure it out.

This post was submitted by Louis.

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