best of clashes

We’d been dating about four months, when, during a phone call, she told me that she considered the town I was living in (pop. 7,000) “too big of a city for her” and she wouldn’t live any place “that big” — and her goal in life was to retire from Walmart. I responded along the lines of “You’re joking right?” She hung up on me, and then wouldn’t answer the phone. When I stopped by her house, her mother answered the door saying, “She don’t wanna talk to you, you’ve upset her…”


Aftermath: I never saw her face-to-face again, recovered the few items I left at her place and only look back to laugh at how happy I am that I’ve moved on.



best of secrets!

He pretended to be the father of terminally ill child to get a free vacation to Disney World out of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.


Aftermath: It lasted a week while I figured out the best way to break up with him without him wanting to ruin my life with harassment.


“The Tudors”

best of manners

He had just moved in with me about a month prior and one day while sitting on the couch together watching “The Tudors” on TV, I noticed he was picking at his toes. A few minutes later, I noticed that he was holding something between his thumb and index finger. Before I knew it, he had put the mystery piece in his mouth and about a minute later I heard a crunch sound. “Are you eating your toenail?” I asked. He looked embarrassed when he said, “Yes, it’s a nervous habit of mine.”


Aftermath: We are actually still living together, but not for much longer.


“I am warrior”

best of weird

I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his walls—legitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said “I am warrior.” Not “I am a warrior”—just “I am warrior.” Needless to say, I was frightened…and confused.


Aftermath: It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.


“Beef jerky”

best of quirks

We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”


Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.