He got mad at me for doubling up on birth control to postpone my period so we could have sex after being away from each other for a week. He seemed to think this was going to somehow get me pregnant.

—H

Aftermath: I tried to talk to him a few times, but gave up when he refused. We never spoke again. Ever.

After sex, I asked him why he spent so much time in the bathroom before returning to bed, and he said “I had to wash my genitals.”

—Lolita

Aftermath: It ended one month later, which was one month too long.

It was over when she told me that she was jealous of the relationship I had with my identical twin and that my twin was no longer welcome in our home.

—C-Bean

Aftermath: I walked out with my twin and said, “Well, my relationship is ending tonight.” About two hours later, it was over, though her drama dragged on for 4 more months!

She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.

—John

Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.

I started dating a friend and five minutes into our first date, he looked at me and asked, “So… we gonna make out now or what?” He also invited himself to spend the night at my place that same night. I told him that I’d rather he didn’t, as I had to get up early for work, but he insisted. When I got blankets and a pillow from the closet for him, he rolled his eyes and said, quite peevishly, “So I guess I’m sleeping on the couch, then?”

—Jenna

Aftermath: I broke up with him a week later. He still tells people that when I “figure out what I want,” we’ll be together. It’s been almost four years since that first date.