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“Death of a Marriage”

best of manners

The day of my dad’s funeral my husband insisted on stopping at an archery store so he could “look around.”

— boomer

Aftermath: We are divorced.


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“How low can he go?”

secrets!

We moved into our new place. There were still boxes to unpack when I got a phone call from his girlfriend in another state. He was planning on moving back to be with her and sticking me with the lease. Turns out he gave us the same Valentine’s gift, mailing hers from his mom’s house.

— Last to Know

Aftermath: I moved out that night, sticking him with the lease. She dumped him too.


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“To See What it was Like”

clashes

My boyfriend called to tell me he kissed a man on the roof of a NYC building because he wanted “to see what it was like” but that it didn’t count as cheating…I was pretty sure kissing someone who was not me was cheating.

— Leche

Aftermath: Somehow I stayed with him for a few more months. After we broke up, he tried to be my friend. I refused.

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“Pawn Stars”

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He popped the question with a ring that he purchased from a pawn shop.

— Tanya

Aftermath: Once I found out, we broke up. He continued to lie unconvincingly about having a brain tumor. I pawned the ring for the top-dollar price of fifty bucks.

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“Jesus is Watching”

best of sex

I can’t decide…When we were having sex and he pulled out, threw on his clothes and said “We can’t do this, Jesus is watching,” or when he told me we could never hang out on Sundays because that’s when his “Magic the Gathering” card club met.

— Red Balloon

Aftermath: He broke up with me about a week after the sex incident, saying we were “going too fast” and that he needed to be more mature for his mother.


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