After a mind blowing round of oral sex she said “I can tell you eat a lot of fruit.”

— sweet tasting

Aftermath:  She had been with too many men for my taste.

His invited his friend into bed with us. I ran away screaming.

— Andrea

Aftermath: I think my reaction said it all.

We were about to go at it when the smell hit me, the most awful smell my nose has ever experienced. I uncontrollably went limp but since I’m a nice guy, I told her I had erectile dysfunction.

—Bukowski

Aftermath: I immediately got an STD test.

I came home and found her in the hot tub with another man.

— ED

Aftermath: The other man is handicapped. She can’t hurt him too much.

He started an argument with me through Twitter.

— Luddite G/F

Aftermath: He is trying to prove his worth to me through Facebook.