His ex wife called and asked for a paternity test for my boyfriend and her new baby.

— Cityslicker

Aftermath: He was the dad

He freaked out at me for hanging out with my friends instead of him. The day after we met.

— Red Balloon

Aftermath: I cancelled our second date, and he told me I “need to learn more about relationships.” Right, because two days is a relationship!

My husband, best friend and I went to the beach one weekend, but along the way during the 3 hour trip, we pulled into the parking lot of a nondescript brick building. Curious, I asked, “What’s going on? Something wrong with the car?” I was told we had to stop to get an abortion for my best friend, and it was my husband’s kid. The parking lot was for the clinic.

— *sigh*

Aftermath: We signed divorce papers a month later. They are now engaged and living together, and I’m happier than I’ve ever been in my life.

His invited his friend into bed with us. I ran away screaming.

— Andrea

Aftermath: I think my reaction said it all.

We were about to go at it when the smell hit me, the most awful smell my nose has ever experienced. I uncontrollably went limp but since I’m a nice guy, I told her I had erectile dysfunction.

—Bukowski

Aftermath: I immediately got an STD test.