My long-distance boyfriend and I took a holiday vacation together. He was sick and had the sniffles all weekend. The sniffling was annoying, but I cut him some slack since he was sick. On the last day of our trip, using his fingers, he combed boogers out of his protruding nose hair and ate them. It was over the second his fingers hit his lips.

—Adrienne

Aftermath: I resisted the urge to dump him in the airport before we parted ways, but did so 2 weeks later over the phone. I didn’t tell him the reason.

6

He gave me a used massage oil candle for a going away present when I was moving home to take care of my dying mother.

—Marissa

Aftermath: He called me about a month later to express his condolences after her passing. Shortly thereafter he changed his Facebook status to say he was in a relationship with someone else.

2

I asked him what his sexual fantasy was, and he said, “Two redheads.” I’m a brunette.

—Autumn

Aftermath: He left me two months later. For a blonde.

27

We were sitting on his couch, talking about our derailing romance, hashing out whether we’d be able to remain friends. And then the subject changed to his career aspirations. As he spoke so animatedly about what he wanted to do, a light went off in my head: I could never be with someone whose job I didn’t really give a s*** about. That’s when I said abruptly: “Oh my gosh, we can totally be friends!” He looked confused.

—Jenna

Aftermath: A few weeks later, I met a fascinating urban planner.

5

Shortly after we ended things, I searched some of our chats for the times when he made me genuinely laugh. They were few and very far between. It was mostly me cracking myself up with my responses to him. I gotta say, I’m pretty damn funny. He wasn’t. But he sure thought he was.

—Vanessa

Aftermath: Taking applications for funny guys who don’t always resort to poop and fart jokes. Although I do love me some of those.

7