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“Matchbox Car”

sex

His Matchbox car wasn’t close to the size he had claimed.

–Unimpressed

Aftermath: It was the worst sex of my life.

This post was submitted by Unimpressed.

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“The Office”

best of clashes

I was sitting on the couch watching The Office when he sat down next to me with his knees up and his feet smooshing mine. It hurt, so I moved my legs. He then proceeded to get up, pout and ignore me for the next two hours. When I finally asked him what the deal was, he said I was watching too much of The Office.

Aftermath: In that two-hour stretch of time he stumped around, slammed doors, went to nap (or so I thought), then grabbed a book and sat Indian-style on our balcony floor. I knew then that I couldn’t take it anymore.

This post was submitted by Bobbie.

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“Every Three Seconds”

best of sex

He initiated every time we had sex, and each time he would switch positions every 3 seconds, making for a terrible experience… I really knew it was over when I woke up to him masturbating next to me… I just wanted to shower.

M

Aftermath: About 3 weeks later, after some of the most boring sex of my life, I broke it off. We are still friendly, but I just couldn’t get past that.

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“Subtitles”

best of manners

I knew it was over when his mom started speaking to him in Russian and he answered back in Russian–leaving me totally out of the loop and standing around like an idiot.

–Kat

Aftermath: We broke up. No subtitles required.

This post was submitted by Kat.

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“A Laundry List”

best of clashes

My mom caught me administering a hummer. He canceled as prom date the day before, had to work, I saw him drive by with another girl that night. Never met his family. Knew he liked guys too. I moved to another state. I finally had sex with him. He went to jail, wrote me, I had sex with him when he got out; my boyfriend of five years broke up with me because of that. Found out he was also banging my best friend… and was married.

—Laura

Aftermath: The entire relationship took ten years of on-and-off to end. I finally said that I would run him over with my car if I ever ever saw him again. I haven’t seen him since.

This post was submitted by Laura.

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