It was over when he asked his cats what I wanted to do that day. In a doggy voice.

—Mizz Gooch

Aftermath: I f***ing hate cats. Only later did I find out that he named one of his cats after his favorite porn star.

I was going down on this girl, working pretty hard, and all of a sudden she says, totally deadpan, “I would really be enjoying this if my medication didn’t kill my sex drive.”

—Tom

Aftermath: I finished the deed that night, but broke off contact shortly thereafter.

On our first date we headed to the car for some making out. After parking somewhere and getting it started in the back seat, Round 1 ended. Round 2 starts and I’m down south and he farts. “Oops, sorry babe…”

—vic

Aftermath: It didn’t smell, but for some reason my stomach hurts every time I think about it.

I like men with beards. It was over when i realized that all we had in common was that i liked beards and he used to have one.

—Barbara

Aftermath: It took a few months, and there were other reasons, but I realized that this was the turning point. He also had a weak chin.

We were both huge Buffalo Sabres hockey fans. After a few weeks telling me we were going to go to a few games because her father had season tickets, she called me. She had three things to tell me. 1) We were going to go a Sabres game the next week. 2) She wanted to be just friends from then on out.

—S

Aftermath: Well, there was no number 3, we never wound up going to the game, and she started dating some other dude shortly after. I believe they have been to many games.