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“Maybe have some babies”

sex

The UPS guy who delivers at my office asked me out. I said yes and we went to a neutral, no pressure pub. He told me about his hobbies, which included every manner of outdoor activity, and interests, which included having lots of very Christian kids. Sigh…the boy was a beauty, and I’d been single long enough to respond to the flirtation, which gave him the impression that after one date I wanted to spend the night with him, and heck, maybe have some babies. I stood by my car apologizing for my abrupt change of heart, while he tried convincing me to come inside by picking me up bodily and moving me towards his house.

—Sasha

Aftermath: He called once or twice after that, and I, foolishly, stopped by his place to apologize in person for being a “cock tease.” He doesn’t deliver here anymore.

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“I must run for my life”

quirks

At my then-boyfriend’s house I opened a drawer to borrow a T-shirt. All the T-shirts were perfectly folded, as if ironed. I knew right then and there that I must run for my life.

—AKK

Aftermath: The relationship lasted about six hours after this.

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“Sticks and grass”

manners

I was starting to wonder whether his stoicism and silence were a little more than just bashfulness. We went to the park to hang out for a little while, and I began attempting to provoke some sort of conversation or response from him. After some uneventful walking and non-reciprocated communication, I started stuffing sticks and grass into his pockets. I even tried throwing dirt on his head. Nothing. Not even removal of the pervading organic materials. That’s when I knew.

—Lauren

Aftermath: I quit seeing him totally as a result of that day.

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“Steve Miller Band”

chemistry

About a year or so into our relationship, my first significant girlfriend made me a mix tape. It was then that I learned that she really, actually, genuinely LIKED the Steve Miller Band. I probably already knew this, but the reality of this fact didn’t hit me until I got that mix tape, popped it in the boombox, and heard the opening riff to “Space Cowboy.” Had I followed my gut reaction at this exact moment, I would have dumped her for good and never talked to her again. I F***ING HATE STEVE MILLER.

—Collin

Aftermath: This relationship dragged on and off tortuously for more than FOUR years.

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“Fat Chick”

manners

My first boyfriend and I were looking at pictures of him and his friends when he came across one of his ex-girlfriends. It was at that time he informed me that he would never date anyone as pretty as her and that’s why he was with me. He also informed me that his friends couldn’t understand why he was dating a fat chick!

—Tikkers

Aftermath: I stayed with him for another month. I had very low self esteem at the time. He ended up married to a girl that wets the bed! And me? 150 lbs. lighter. He nearly fainted when he saw me!!

This post was submitted by tikkers.

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