She decided to sick one of her jealous male peons on me for missing two phone calls while I was at work. She thought I was “screwing around,” in spite of conclusive evidence to the contrary. So this guy shows up at my doorstep with a carving knife. Fantastic.

—KKC

Aftermath: One angry phone call and new pistol later…I am glad the guy was pretty weak.

It was over the minute his roommate kissed me. It just took me two years of bulls*** and misery to realize it.

—BlueCanary

Aftermath: Roommate and I have been together for three years now. (He thinks it’s only been two.)

After dinner and a movie, I was dropping her off at home. As I turned to look at her, I could see her getting ready for a kiss. Thinking she was out of my league, I just went for an awkward hug. She got out of the car looking perplexed.

—William

Aftermath: I never had a chance to get past the friend barrier after that.

He told me that he was a warlock and had magical powers.

—Christy

Aftermath: After I heard this, I stayed as far away from this man as possible.

We had a steamy long distance affair for several years. He was brilliant, successful and had a fantastic sense of humor. He would phone me daily and schedule romantic trips. We both had primary partners. Mine had agreed to a polyamorous relationship; his didn’t know. I kept waiting for him to come clean with his wife but he wouldn’t. We were in the habit of writing very personal erotic stories for each other and I would spend days perfecting mine. One day, I realized that his were plagiarized.

—Kira

Aftermath: It lasted three more months. Ten years, and many affairs later, he divorced his wife just about the same time that I married a talented writer who wrote an entire book for me.