I wasn’t really sure how much he liked me, and when he told me one day that his uncle had died and he couldn’t have plans because he was going to the funeral, I felt suspicious. I pretty much knew it was over when I resorted to calling a bunch of funeral homes in the region and asking if they were having a service for “Mr. So and So.”

—Jen

Aftermath: It turns out the uncle did die, as I talked to the funeral home where the service was taking place. But my instincts were right; the guy broke things off a few weeks later.

2

As I drove her home, she suddenly looked at me in terror and said, “I’m so sorry!” — which was promptly followed by the sound of her full bladder erupting all over my passenger seat.

—oneunfortunateguy

Aftermath: Oddly enough, I didn’t feel compelled to ask her out again.

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After two years together, his lease was up for renewal. I suggested he and I move in together. His response: “You want to live with me and my roommates?”

—Mel

Aftermath: It lasted another six months before I realized he honestly and truly wasn’t in this relationship for the long haul.

7

I knew it was over when I got all gussied up and he told me I was dressed too nicely for the theater. I should put back on my t-shirt and jeans. Fuck that noise.

—lepetitloup

Aftermath: I packed a truck with all of my books and clothes and moved to Chicago the next day.

6

When I was 19, I dated this country boy while I was home from college for the summer. I knew it wouldn’t work when he showed up for a date one night in a Hooters T-shirt, cut-off shorts and high-top shoes. Then we went to a gravel pit and made out in the back of his pickup.

—Summer

Aftermath: It was fun while it lasted (about a week), but we would never have made it past that “What does it all mean?” conversation.

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