How did I know it was over? When he FaceBook’d someone else, talking about the kisses they had shared.


Aftermath: I’m contemplating on how I’m gonna break it to him as I type.

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“Breathing quickened”


I was engaged to a man who lived in a different state. He called me every night when he got home from work. One night, it was getting very late and he hadn’t yet called, nor was he answering his phone. Around 2 a.m., he finally answered and sounded very odd. He kept trying to get off the phone, but I demanded to know what was up. Finally, his breathing quickened and became erratic and he stopped talking to me. I knew he had another woman there and she was…well you can imagine.

—Bullet Dodger

Aftermath: He confirmed my suspicions the following morning & begged me to forgive him. I dumped him immediately & now couldn’t be happier he cheated on me. It saved me from marrying a philandering creep.


“9 to 5”

best of secrets!

We met at a party. He was well-dressed, smart. There was dating, good sex. I asked why he didn’t work 9 to 5. He told me of his scheme that involved retail white collar theft and eBay. Then, he finally told me about prison. He gets charged in new felonies and tries to get me to testify in his case. He had his lawyer harassed me to perjure myself. Now, he writes me flowery jail letters. I read them and laugh.


Aftermath: Lasted zero days after he was arrested. He is still in jail. He tried to get his cousin to sell me his truck for bail money, but then wouldn’t sign over the title.

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“Knocked up”


It was over when she got knocked up by her friend’s boyfriend.


Aftermath: Shotgun wedding, baby, divorce, another baby with another guy.

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“The Simpsons”

best of secrets!

I knew it was over when, for the fourth time in less than two months, I woke up to him attempting to hide the fact that he had yet again peed his bed. To make matters worse, it was a twin bed covered in sheets portraying “The Simpsons” and he was 33 years old!


Aftermath: Considering the fact that his cousin and best friend found out about his “habit” from my MySpace rant, it didn’t last much longer.