“Spielberg’s Purple Jaws”

best of clashes

During the 2009 Golden Globes there was a tribute to Steven Spielberg. He said, “Spielberg didn’t direct Jaws.” I said “What?!” He said, “He may have produced it, but he didn’t direct it.”

Pause. “He didn’t direct The Color Purple, either.”


Aftermath: I moved out.

This post was submitted by Dirks.




He dragged our 6 year old daughter across the room by her arm then smacked her in the face for crying about it.


Aftermath: I divorced the bastard. Now he brings women to his kids’ football games and gives up his time with them to go out on his dates.

This post was submitted by Cecilia.

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“Last Waltz”


Me: Divorced, over 40. He looked OK online, supposedly adult; some email conversations. He asked late one night to watch a DVD, The Last Waltz. Bored, hadn’t seen it; I said sure. He lives in father’s basement (bad); dirty sofa, ten remotes (very bad). He started the movie and two minutes later, lunged. He had a large erection; seemed he was working on it himself beforehand. I said no thanks. He argued, I got up, he hit me with classic sour grapes “You aren’t even that good-looking anyway.”


Aftermath: 0 hours 0 minutes 0 seconds. I drove home laughing my head off and told all my friends. I mean, attempted date rape when you’re over 40 and a mother of a teen? Man, there is a time to be over this!!

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“Birthday Hair”

best of clashes

For my boyfriend’s birthday I had gone to a lot of trouble and told him we needed to leave the house by 6:30 or the night’s events would be derailed. At 6:30,  I was sitting on the couch, ready to go. He came out and whined that his hair wasn’t working and said he needed to re-wash it. When he re-washed it two more times (for a total of four hair washings and another hour delay), I knew we were done.


Aftermath: All I could see was how high maintenance he was and we broke up a few months later.

This post was submitted by Elizabeth.

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We were camping on Martha’s Vineyard before the season started with very little to do. One day we decided to have a beer in town. Some local guys were hanging out in the bar and she started flirting the moment we sat down. This was typical behavior for her and I hated it. After she suggested we invite them over, I figured enough was enough. I told her I was walking and she told me she was staying. So I left and sat outside. She came out shortly, totally freaked out that I left her in a dangerous situation.


Aftermath: She stormed off toward the ferry to leave me on the island with our camping equipment. On the way, she realized she had a tick behind her ear and needed me to remove it. This moment of vulnerability and the resulting gratitude sucked me into another couple of months.

This post was submitted by Tom.

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