She wore that ugly-ass green shirt that made her look like a pirate. She just needed an eye patch.

—Bruce

Aftermath: Ongoing

My best friend and I were going to get matching tattoos. My then-boyfriend said, “If you get that tattoo, we’re done.” I left his place a few minutes later.

—Vera

Aftermath: I got the tattoo as planned and am happily single.

We got into a two hour long shouting match over something that may or may not have happened in a Harry Potter book.

—Tim

Aftermath: I realized how stupid the past year and a half had been and refused to talk to her for about a week before finally calling and breaking up with her. This was not the first trivial argument we had.

She was jealous of the time I spent with my band. Then, she explained that she was specifically jealous of our lead singer (whom I’ve played music with for the last seven years).

It also didn’t help that the woman she was jealous of happens to be a lesbian.

—Anonymous

Aftermath: After a terrible year and a half it finally ended. Much psycho B.S. followed. She still comes to our shows sometimes – who knows why.

I met her at a bar. I should have known better. We hit it off and started casually dating. I found out she went to the bar every other day. I’m not the bar type of guy. When I did go out, I found out her past. She slept with everyone there.

—John

Aftermath: She needed a place to stay when she lost her job. Took me 2 months to get rid of her. Got fed up and kicked her out. Never date anybody you meet at a bar.