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“Sniffer”

best of sex

I came home a couple of days early from a trip and caught him masturbating while sniffing my underwear.

—Christine

Aftermath: I stayed at a friend’s house that night and started apartment shopping first thing in the morning. I let him keep

the thong as I won’t be needing it again.

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““Touch Base” phone call”

weird

We had been dating long distance and in the first month, he stopped saying “I love you.” I left the country to study abroad for four months. Two weeks later, I received an e-mail saying that he felt “smothered” and “suffocated.” At this point I was 4,000 miles away, we were e-mailing every other day, and we were in an open relationship. He wanted space while I was away and said he would call to “touch base” after my return.

— Kristina

Aftermath: It was over before I finished reading the e-mail. He commented that he expected me to respond with a series of heated e-mails, so I didn’t. We still haven’t communicated. I return shortly and I think I’ll enjoy screening the “touch base” phone call.

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“Give it time”

sex

I knew it was over when he began only calling me between 1 a.m. & 4 a.m. when he was drunk, and only wanted me to come over for sex. When I confronted him about this he said, “Well, that’s just how it is—you’ll get used to it, give it time…”

— Zobelia

Aftermath: Shortly after me, he met another girl, she ended up being dumb enough to fall for him. He got her pregnant, my response to him was, “Well, that’s just how it is…”

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“Girls”

best of sex

After a year of what I thought was a pretty strong relationship, she suddenly decided she wanted to see other people. “What other people?” I asked. “Girls,” she replied.

—Jeff

Aftermath: It pretty much ended right then and there, although it took her two weeks to get all of her crap out of my apartment…

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“Baby Talk”

weird

We’d only been official for a few days when he started saying “ILU” and “I heart you” to me, which I just ignored. The moment I knew I couldn’t overlook it anymore was when we were cuddling and he said “I wuuuuvvv you” to me in baby talk.

Erin

Aftermath: Two days later, he came over to talk. My roomie was there but he didn’t think privacy was necessary, so I wrote out that I wanted to break up with him on an index card. We hugged silently and he left.

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