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“Pass the oatmeal”

weird

I asked my boyfriend of two months to pass me the oatmeal in his 300 square foot studio. Bemoaning that my laziness would make him late for work, he called me a c*** while snapping my toothbrush in half, just inches from my face. After his tirade, he lay on the floor sweating and hyperventilating, which is what really made him late.

—Amy

Aftermath: We lasted two years, which was seriously skewed judgment on my part.

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“World of Warcraft (redux)”

quirks

It was over when I realized that I didn’t love him, that I was in love with someone else, someone who didn’t put the World of Warcraft before me.

—It’s Okay

Aftermath: It lasted another week and I never had the guts to tell the other guy that I loved him. I found out many months later, when I moved across the country, that he had always loved me too.

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“Walmart”

best of clashes

We’d been dating about four months, when, during a phone call, she told me that she considered the town I was living in (pop. 7,000) “too big of a city for her” and she wouldn’t live any place “that big” — and her goal in life was to retire from Walmart. I responded along the lines of “You’re joking right?” She hung up on me, and then wouldn’t answer the phone. When I stopped by her house, her mother answered the door saying, “She don’t wanna talk to you, you’ve upset her…”

—Doug

Aftermath: I never saw her face-to-face again, recovered the few items I left at her place and only look back to laugh at how happy I am that I’ve moved on.

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“Make-A-Wish”

best of secrets!

He pretended to be the father of terminally ill child to get a free vacation to Disney World out of the Make-A-Wish Foundation.

—Bobby

Aftermath: It lasted a week while I figured out the best way to break up with him without him wanting to ruin my life with harassment.

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“The Tudors”

best of manners

He had just moved in with me about a month prior and one day while sitting on the couch together watching “The Tudors” on TV, I noticed he was picking at his toes. A few minutes later, I noticed that he was holding something between his thumb and index finger. Before I knew it, he had put the mystery piece in his mouth and about a minute later I heard a crunch sound. “Are you eating your toenail?” I asked. He looked embarrassed when he said, “Yes, it’s a nervous habit of mine.”

—Bethany

Aftermath: We are actually still living together, but not for much longer.

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