We were cuddling and he said, “I love Asian girls. I was just with this white girl. White girls have body hair and cellulite. And Asian girls have prettier vaginas! Can we have sex?”

—Shancai

Aftermath: There was no nookie that night. I dumped him like a bad habit…though not for a few weeks after this.

I got his number through a mutual friend who thought we might hit it off. We started talking via text message for about a month. Through this, I learned he was a virgin. We met, we f**ked. During the awkward ordeal he told me he loved me.

—Jane

Aftermath: I said, “No, you do not love me… you love my p**sy.” I let him finish and haven’t spoken to him since.

It was over when I found out my friend had gotten a handjob from her, just before she and I first hooked up. Crashed and burned before the plane ever took off.

—Todd

Aftermath: She married the next guy she hooked up with. Can I dodge bullets or what?

My new girlfriend, a gorgeous Eurasian Filipina, and I  jumped into bed for a steamy session. I did a reach around to grab her butt, and to my horror, I felt either hemorrhoids or she had shat herself. My d*ck shrank, and I dismounted and sent her home.

—Fila

Aftermath: Over at once

It was over when he came in my mouth—by mistake, and I spat it back in his face—intentionally.

—Angela

Aftermath: He hit me in the face with his penis and now I swallow all the time.