I randomly wrote the word “Death” on her pink eraser and placed it in her backpack. Apparently, she freaked out over the weekend and thought someone was after her. She confronted me on Monday and told me how she almost had a nervous breakdown and I laughed my a** off.

— Adam

Aftermath: She dumped me that evening. Still the hottest chick I ever dated…man I miss seeing her naked.

My sister was deployed to Iraq. I cried. My boyfriend told me to “man up” and asked what I was going to make for dinner.

— Marie

Aftermath: I told him to pack his stuff and go. Judging from the many texts and voicemails, he still has no idea what he did wrong.

He took 99 of our last 100 dollars out of our bank account because he needed to have an STD test done before the girl he liked would sleep with him. I’m not sure why because I was completely faithful to him and he knew it.

— bennie

Aftermath: We are divorced. I have the house and our son and he is currently homeless.

He freaked out at me for hanging out with my friends instead of him. The day after we met.

— Red Balloon

Aftermath: I cancelled our second date, and he told me I “need to learn more about relationships.” Right, because two days is a relationship!

He started an argument with me through Twitter.

— Luddite G/F

Aftermath: He is trying to prove his worth to me through Facebook.