I knew it was over when he kissed me. He had a stubby little tongue that stabbed into my mouth. It grossed me out.

–Jenny

Aftermath: I stuck around long enough to find out that his penis did the same thing as his tongue. When I found out he cheated on me, I felt bad for the girl who was stuck with him.

We were talking after sex one night, and she mentioned that the environmental movement was a secret government plot to keep us scared and obedient. I’m am energy efficiency consultant and activist who takes my impact on the Earth very seriously. I asked her if she knew what her statement meant for me. She responded “Well, you can’t blame me if you’re wasting your life.”

—Ran3dy

Aftermath: After coming to terms that she was dead serious, I asked her to leave. It was midnight and she lived 50 miles away, but I couldn’t stand the thought of wasting another minute of my life with her.

He told me how he was looking forward to taking a real estate class and how it was going help him earn a lot of money.

—Jan

Aftermath: Didn’t really see him after that.

My boyfriend said, “I think clown makeup is really sexy.” Shortly thereafter, he whispered in my ear “Seriously, babe, it’s a major turn on.” He wasn’t joking.

—Chelsea

Aftermath: I broke up with him that night. For the 4 months that we dated, I always thought he said and did really weird things to be goofy. He was definitely serious about all of it.

One night I realized that my South African boyfriends’ accent annoyed me more than Kimmy Gibbler annoyed Danny Tanner on “Full House.” He realized that I hated him and broke up with me on G-chat that night

—Lindsay

Aftermath: My best friend de-friended him on Facebook and told him to go “stoff himself.”