Year one: We diet and go to the gym together.
Year two: He gets plastic surgery from all the weight he lost from year one.
Year three: He is happier and I push him for a new job, while I start house hunting.
Year four: I buy him a laptop for X-mas and put the down payment on his new car.
Year five: My skinny, good looking boyfriend uses his laptop to find a new girlfriend that he impresses with his new car and three-flat financial investment.

—Monika

Aftermath: I am living with a new boyfriend that I don’t have to buy a thing for and I am the happiest I have been in five years. Lesson learned.

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