Before our first date, I entered her studio apartment to find a jumbled mess of cups, plates, clothing, and stuffed animals. She also had seven pets. She talked to them in a cooing baby voice the entire time she got ready.

— William

Aftermath: For some reason (I’m guessing it had to do with my libido) I chose to stay with her for over a year of bizarre behavior that included throwing pasta at my head because there was an ant on the plate. And then crying and banging her head on the wall when I got angry about it.

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