My girlfriend wanted to drop by. Told her I was playing poker with friends that night and to come the next day. She showed up anyway. Tried to include her in the game, but it was hopeless. She sat out of later rounds, but proceeded to grope me from behind. She nearly had my shirt off in front of eight friends when I took her outside my apartment and told her to go home. She ran crying and phoned ten minutes later to break up with me. I ignored future calls.

—MJ

Aftermath: Six months later, she phoned to say she was getting married. I wished her the best. She told me the precise location and time of the wedding. I heard later this was to encourage me to pull some “Graduate”-style last-minute intervention, and she was disappointed I didn’t. She broke up with her husband a year later. She’s apparently a bit of a nutjob. Dodged a bullet.

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