“Bottom of the Ocean”

best of weird

I dated this gal for a few weeks. She told me that she would swim to the bottom of the ocean for me. I told her that her head would explode. She said it would be worth it for me.

—Mr. E

Aftermath: Nice to be held in that regard, but I got the hell out of Dodge!

This post was submitted by Mr E.

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“Sleep Around”


After learning he had been cheating on me for several months, I confronted him and told him it was over. He responded that I was crazy and just making up excuses so that I could sleep around with other men.


Aftermath: We lasted about two weeks of him cheating after my confrontation. I hear he and the girl are getting married this spring.

This post was submitted by Stephany.

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“For the dog”


We were engaged for six months when she got accepted to grad school out of the country. We had been living together for awhile, and I didn’t want to move back into the dormitory. I thought we should elope so that I could keep my dog and the apartment we had at the time. Her dream has been more important than me for five years now.


Aftermath: Married as far as the paperwork goes, however my new significant other is the greatest thing that’s ever happened to me and she is willing to give up everything to be with me…. Divorce is near and possibly a new life with someone else

This post was submitted by Schitstick.

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best of sex

During sex, she called me by the wrong name. Worse, it was her roommate’s name. Then she did it again. Also, her roommate was gay.


Aftermath: That was about it for me.

This post was submitted by John.

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“One date and a funeral”


The day my grandmother died, I had a second date planned with someone. Upset, I called him to cancel, and he kindly offered to drive me to the airport. As we approached the terminal, I saw my brother and sister-in-law getting out of a cab. Next thing I know, he pulls up next to them and, jumping out of the car, says to me, “Oh, good. Introduce me to your brother.”

—Sad Granddaughter

Aftermath: My reply: “Um, I don’t think this is a good time; his grandmother just died, too…” Seriously, who tries to meet the family after one date, and before a funeral? This was over before I got on the plane.

This post was submitted by Sad Granddaughter.

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