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“Drop By”

secrets!

My girlfriend had always complained that I never stopped by during the week to see her (she lived with her parents). So, one day, I was in her neighborhood and her mom answered, but wouldn’t let me in. My girlfriend came to the door and asks what I was doing. It took a few seconds but I figured out what was going on and walked toward my car. She ran after me telling me that he was just a friend.

—Rick

Postscript: Her mom later told me she had been seeing both of us; neither one of us knew about the other. We didn’t see each other for about a year, got back together for about a year, then went our separate ways. She was beautiful, I miss her.


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“Now don’t get mad, but…”

clashes

My drunk boyfriend called and woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me he took my car and to not get mad but he totaled it. Then a girl gets on the phone to tell me he feels really bad…… Hmmm who the hell is this girl? And to top it off it was going to be paid off in 3 months.

— Shelly

Aftermath: The insurance only gave me $12,000 so now I’m driving a Toyota Camry. I’m saving up to buy another Mercedes.

This post was submitted by Shelly.


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“Stuffed and mounted”

best of weird

I knew it was over when my boyfriend of 7 years came home from work and asked me: If I was to die, could he have me stuffed and mounted? He had the nerve to ask if he could drive me to the notary.

—No Stuffed Turkey

Postscript: No wonder he had all them mannequins.


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“Exorcism”

best of weird

I came home one evening and found him wandering around in my apartment complex parking lot and wearing my shorts. When I stepped into my apartment, he had candles lit and some of my pictures on the walls were upside down. He told me he was performing an exorcism to get rid my demons.

—Patty

Aftermath: I knew it was over and changed my locks.


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“Apologetic Sexting”

best of chemistry

He’d send me a text telling me he was horny and asking me if I was, then apologize because he respected me too much to do that… only to text me the same thing an hour later.

—anem0ne

Aftermath: After ending it and receiving several sad, whiny drunk texts, I sent him a long series of messages detailing exactly why I didn’t think we would work out. I haven’t heard since.

This post was submitted by anem0ne.


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