weird

 

“Birthday Double Whammy”

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I’d been in the relationship for a few months and it was going nowhere. I invited here out to dinner so I could call it off in a public place. She took it harder than expected; I’d forgotten it was her birthday.

—Jon

Aftermath: We got back together months later, and when I knew it was over, again, I waited an extra two weeks so I could break up on her birthday again.

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“Bad Timing”

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I was in mourning over a kid who had died from heat stroke. I didn’t know him personally, but the thought of dying so young got to me. I was crying on my boyfriend’s couch, and he tried to console me. Then, he put my hand on his crotch and tried to make me give him a handjob while I was sobbing. Hot.

Nicky

Aftermath: Thankfully, his grandmother came in so he threw my hand off. It lasted maybe 3 months afterward, and there is no justifying that duration.


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“Sister”

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It should have been over when he told me he had sex with his sister. They weren’t blood related, but raised from toddler age. Their parents supported their sick relationship. I figured he loved me when he stopped seeing her on their “Wednesday nights” and asked me to marry him. What a mistake. He never slept in the same bed with me, and would only touch my arm with his finger as a sign of affection. I asked him if he had been sexually abused and he screamed, “No!” like a frantic woman.

Betty

Aftermath: A few sad, pathetic years. During that time he stashed away $50,000. I asked for no alimony. I am with my real husband now and our life is blessed!


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“Sniffing Redux”

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She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.

—John

Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.

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“Guinea Pig Killer”

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My boyfriend told me he lost my guinea pig while playing with it. Thirty minutes later, we found it behind the couchdead. A week later, I forgave him and he bought me a new one. Not even a month later he accidentally killed that one too and stuck it in a trash bag next to a can of raviolis that he made 2 minutes after the poor animal died. And this was not the weirdest thing about him either…

Secret

Aftermath: I went to the bathroom to cry and when I came out, I dumped him! He is now known as Guinea Pig Killer.


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