weird

 

“Self-defense”

weird

I kept a gun for self-defense because we lived in a shady neighborhood. One day he asked to borrow it. I asked why, and he said, “To kill my ex-wife.”

—Spiralina

Aftermath: I changed my locks and eventually my phone number.


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1

“Intensely”

weird

I looked at him and realized that I disliked him so intensely, it bordered on hatred.

Ingrid

Aftermath: Zero days. I kicked him out then and there.

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“Steroid patient”

best of weird

He told me about a steroid patient he was treating in the ER for an infected abscess. He then told me that the patient was going to “hook him up and get him into some cool clubs” and that he took the patient’s phone number. I laughed. It was not a joke.

—Heather

Aftermath: That was the last date. I dumped him via text about a week later.


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“Vampire with bad aim”

weird

One night she turned to me and said, “It’s not going to work out,” then bit me on the arm until I bled.

—Bill

Aftermath: I never saw her again. I guess I was fortunate to be dating a vampire with bad aim.


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1

“Silver Medal”

best of weird

When I asked him who his best friend was, he said his ex-girlfriend. Who lived with him. Who had left him for his other “best friend,” who also lived with him.

—Anne

Aftermath: I gave it a sporting chance for about a month, but after that it wasn’t worth trying to play silver medal to his ex.


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