When sudden, unexpected, down-right startling nipple tweaks became your only idea for getting romantic. The only one.


Aftermath: About 6 months. He was once a wonderful guy; I tried multiple ways to explain that this did not work for me. Short answer: I tell you something does not work for me, and you do not care? Exit.


“St. Bernard”


Things got hot and heavy after a bottle of wine, some pizza, and a couple hours of talking. We ended out in my room, on my bed. We were making out and clothing was being removed and…he licked my face.


Aftermath: He attempted to call me probably four times before he finally gave up. If I wanted a St. Bernard I’d have gone to the pound, not the personals.


“Me likey”


I never before met up with a guy from the Internet. except on one occasion for the laugh. We built up a rapport over some time as friends and following my break-up from a two-year relationship, I was up for something a bit daring. I went to his town for the weekend, and after the first wonderful night, he suddenly became clingy and repeatedly whimpered in a babyish voice, “Me likey, me likey,” even during sex. He was 10 years my senior, and this stupid talk was the most unbearable turn off ever.


Aftermath: I stayed for the weekend as promised but when I got home I became gradually more distant and he finally took the hint, so I got off pretty lightly.


“Off the menu”

best of sex

About 6 months into the relationship, she took a particularly hothothot sexual act off the menu. “That ship has sailed,” she said. So did I.


Aftermath: Despite the bait-and-switch, we’ve remained friends.


“To make me jealous”

sex weird

He slept with my coworker to make me jealous. It didn’t.


Aftermath: He tried to commit suicide two nights after the break-up. I stopped feeling sorry for him after the next girl broke up with him and he again tried to commit suicide. Drama queen!