sex

 

“Dodging Bullets”

sex

It was over when I found out my friend had gotten a handjob from her, just before she and I first hooked up. Crashed and burned before the plane ever took off.

Todd

Aftermath: She married the next guy she hooked up with. Can I dodge bullets or what?

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“Hemorrhoids?”

sex weird

My new girlfriend, a gorgeous Eurasian Filipina, and I  jumped into bed for a steamy session. I did a reach around to grab her butt, and to my horror, I felt either hemorrhoids or she had shat herself. My d*ck shrank, and I dismounted and sent her home.

Fila

Aftermath: Over at once

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“Spitter”

best of manners sex

It was over when he came in my mouth—by mistake, and I spat it back in his face—intentionally.

—Angela

Aftermath: He hit me in the face with his penis and now I swallow all the time.

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“Double Wide”

sex

She called me out of the blue one day and asked me out, and a week later I found myself sitting her family’s double-wide at about 2AM, with her lips wrapped around my c**k, and her brother asleep on the couch across the room. A few weeks later, it was all about her virginity and how she was saving herself

—Leon

Aftermath: I dumped her for a stacked redhead I worked with about 3 days later. I’ll bet she’s still in that double-wide. I’ve developed much higher standards since then.

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“What did you just say????”

sex

We were snuggling up to go to sleep after mind-blowing sex when he mumbled, “I used to f**k guys like that in prison”.

—WTF???

Aftermath: Called a cab and kicked him out

This post was submitted by WTF???.

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