sex

 

“Funky Skunk”

sex

One fateful night, missionary style, the condom broke within a few pumps. I reared back to put on a new one, and it hit me. The most awful smell my nose had ever experienced. This was new, and I uncontrollably went limp. She asked what happened, and too nice to say it, I told her I had an E.D. type of disorder

—Bukowski

Aftermath: I went and got an STD check, fearing she had a rare dead animal disease. I was clean, we never had sex again, and she told friends I go limp easily. Nice guys finish last!

This post was submitted by Bukowski.

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“Can’t get no satisfaction”

sex

I sometimes fantasized about other men. He looked at porn online. In our late 30’s, we had sex once a month on average for the last five years of our union. During the almost twenty years we were together, I was sexually satisfied fewer times than I can count on my fingers.

—Not The One

Aftermath: He blurted out, “You’re not The One.” We’re now divorced.

This post was submitted by Not The One.


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“Keep an open mind”

sex Uncategorized

For me, it was over when she said, “I’ll never do anal sex.”

—Angelo

Aftermath: I met someone else who was more sexually receptive.

This post was submitted by Angelo.

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“There Can Be Only One”

sex

I knew it was over when he asked me how I felt about my father buying my sister a new car for her 30th birthday. I stated I was pretty used to being 2nd now and I’d be fine. He then replied, “My first anal.”

–First

Aftermath: I said thank you for the message, I needed that. I said I was done and I meant it.

This post was submitted by First.


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“Hello. Goodbye.”

chemistry sex

I knew it was over when he told me he didn’t really like The Beatles. In fact, he thought they were the most overrated band in history. I could tolerate his inabilities in the bedroom, but this was too much.

—Rae

Aftermath: We broke up about a week or so later. And I found a guy who liked The Beatles AND wasn’t bad in bed. Double upgrade.

This post was submitted by Rae.

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