“When you date a stripper”

best of chemistry

She spent our date telling me how she’d had an affair with our waitress, which was fine. That happens when you date a stripper—it’s half the reason you date a stripper. But, when she took me home, she drove demon-fast, erratically and sang over an ear-splitting stereo. She then flashed the cars next to us while swerving into their lane.


Aftermath: I never called her again, though she did show up at my house on her break, wearing a waist-length blond wig. I turned her down gently, not telling her that she was two degrees too crazy for me.


“A light went off”


We were sitting on his couch, talking about our derailing romance, hashing out whether we’d be able to remain friends. And then the subject changed to his career aspirations. As he spoke so animatedly about what he wanted to do, a light went off in my head: I could never be with someone whose job I didn’t really give a s*** about. That’s when I said abruptly: “Oh my gosh, we can totally be friends!” He looked confused.


Aftermath: A few weeks later, I met a fascinating urban planner.

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“X-box over sex”


I had been dating this army guy for about 2 months. He lived with a roommate, but his roommate was gone for the night. I knew it was over when after spending hours doing my hair, make-up, and putting on my sexiest bra, I got to this guy’s house to find him playing Halo. He continued to play X-box for 5 hours by himself, while I went to bed downstairs alone.


Aftermath: We broke up a month later. No biggie — the sex was brutal anyway.

This post was submitted by J.


“not ready to be a lesbian”


We’d been best friends for nearly 13 years. We touched, rarely kissed, never had sex. I finally said she needed to make a choice. She left her husband after he said he only loved her and their youngest son because he was supposed to.

She stayed 18 days. Her husband turned into a decent person – she had to give him another chance. But once she left me, I don’t give second chances.


Aftermath: and here she’s acting happy….but I am living real.

This post was submitted by eridanis.


“Sick Bubblegum”


He had just gotten home from a family reunion out west and, wanting to surprise him, I went over to his apartment without telling him. As I pull up to the building, I hear a voice scream “SICK BUBBLEGUM!!” and then this absolutely massive, awful racket coming from the fourth floor. I look up, and as it turns out, that’s him, chilling out on his balcony with these giant speakers I never knew he had.

— nobassforme

Aftermath: Put off but determined, I went up to his apartment, and called his phone to let me in. He immediately came out, so I asked him what he was playing. with a perplexed look, he replied it was Skrillex, and when I asked if he could please turn it off so we could chat, he scowled, screamed “love me, love my bass!!”, and slammed the door in my face. Never heard from him again, except for that awful noise every time I drive by his house..

This post was submitted by nobassforme.

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