We were fighting one day and he drew me a graph on his whiteboard of hours spent together vs. utility derived from the relationship. He argued that us going on nice dates is just as good as him sitting on my couch playing video games for eight hours. Not only did he graph our relationship, he completely missed the concept of diminishing marginal utility. Good job, econ major.

—Peaches

Aftermath: We broke up the next morning, and were on and off for a few more months. Maybe his social sciences improved with the next girl.

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