I came home to a lazy, self-righteous prick who had just taken a huge sh*t and my apartment that smelled like rotting garbage. I didn’t know where the smell was coming from until my roommate told me it was him. He was sitting on his worthless ass watching TV and eating all our food.

—Phoebe

Aftermath: I kicked him out, then me and my roommate laughed about him and his rank ass for hours.

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