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“Jealous peons”

weird

She decided to sick one of her jealous male peons on me for missing two phone calls while I was at work. She thought I was “screwing around,” in spite of conclusive evidence to the contrary. So this guy shows up at my doorstep with a carving knife. Fantastic.

—KKC

Aftermath: One angry phone call and new pistol later…I am glad the guy was pretty weak.

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“Roommate kiss…”

best of secrets!

It was over the minute his roommate kissed me. It just took me two years of bulls*** and misery to realize it.

—BlueCanary

Aftermath: Roommate and I have been together for three years now. (He thinks it’s only been two.)

5
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“Friend barrier”

weird

After dinner and a movie, I was dropping her off at home. As I turned to look at her, I could see her getting ready for a kiss. Thinking she was out of my league, I just went for an awkward hug. She got out of the car looking perplexed.

—William

Aftermath: I never had a chance to get past the friend barrier after that.

4
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“Warlock”

best of weird

He told me that he was a warlock and had magical powers.

—Christy

Aftermath: After I heard this, I stayed as far away from this man as possible.

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“Erotic stories”

secrets!

We had a steamy long distance affair for several years. He was brilliant, successful and had a fantastic sense of humor. He would phone me daily and schedule romantic trips. We both had primary partners. Mine had agreed to a polyamorous relationship; his didn’t know. I kept waiting for him to come clean with his wife but he wouldn’t. We were in the habit of writing very personal erotic stories for each other and I would spend days perfecting mine. One day, I realized that his were plagiarized.

—Kira

Aftermath: It lasted three more months. Ten years, and many affairs later, he divorced his wife just about the same time that I married a talented writer who wrote an entire book for me.

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