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“Good at Computers”

best of quirks

I asked my new boyfriend how he got so good at computers. He replied, “Well, I was addicted to porn for a while.”

—Jen

Aftermath: Have not talked since.

This post was submitted by Jen.

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“A List”

best of clashes

She had a list of all my friends who she hated for taking “attention” away from her.

—Mark

Aftermath: Left that crazy chick. Not sure what ever happened to the her or the list. My friends are all still alive.

This post was submitted by Mark.

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“European Groupies”

best of clashes

I  dated a guy I was head over heels for, best sex of my life. He was in a band and leaving for a European tour for 3 months. Initially he wanted me to come, but changed his mind. Before he left, he told me he didn’t want to cheat on me, but wasn’t sure he could control himself with all the hot European groupies. I realized the only thing I could do was tell him it was fine, but that we shouldn’t date anymore. My heart broke into a million pieces.

—Glorified Groupie

Aftermath: Three months later he returned from Europe with a hot, new wife he’d only just met. A few months later, he emailed asking me out for a drink. I told him I didn’t think his new wife would appreciate it and he pretended he didn’t know what I was talking about. Funny thing is, I still kind of miss him.

This post was submitted by Glorified Groupie.

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“Facebook Love”

best of secrets!

I found a picture of him on Facebook, blackout drunk, dancing with and kissing a slut at a concert. We were both devastated. He swore he didn’t know her and didn’t remember anything. He begged forgiveness, sent flowers, wrote poems, recorded a song, professed his love for the first time, and drew me Venn diagrams stating he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I took him back. Four months later he broke up with me, saying he couldn’t reciprocate the same depth of love I had for him. He had a new girlfriend about 2 months later.

—Katherine

Aftermath: He was guilty for about a month and kept trying to contact me ‘til I told him to leave me alone. Now he’s sleeping with his new pop-tart who lives 3 blocks away from me.

This post was submitted by Katherine.

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“Dear Subscriber”

best of manners

I was out of town for a close family members funeral and he wrote me: “Dear subscriber, I know you’ve been out of town, but your sex balance is past due.. Your account will reach virginity status… Please f*ck to avoid disconnection. Thank you. ^-^”

—Kyya

Aftermath: That was his sympathy… I think that was definitely it, when I knew what we had built our relationship on.

This post was submitted by Kyya.

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