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“Old Nerd”

manners

Even though he was an unemployed, recent law grad who had no actual career before, he would always correct me when I would call the condo that “he owned” an “apartment” by mistake—as if I couldn’t pickup on the concept of mommy and daddy footing the bill. He kept calling me a “nerd” about everything including having a job….and called me “old” nonstop when I was 26 and he 25.

—kannf

Aftermath: I let up on the contact. My old, nerdy ass now has a boyfriend that is 2 years younger. He may rent but at least he supports himself and has more wit than simply calling me old and nerdy every 5 minutes.

This post was submitted by kannf.

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“Knight in Fuzzy Carpet”

best of weird

My parents just carpeted our downstairs and my boyfriend at the time asked me if we had any carpet left. So I said yes and gave it to him without thinking what he needed it for. The next day he showed up to school wearing the carpet in the form of armor. And wore it for the entire day.

—Shauna

Aftermath: We broke up soon after this happened.

This post was submitted by Shauna.

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“Mis-Match.com”

Uncategorized

After many emails on Match.com, he was just dying to meet me and see a film.
We get to the box office and he says, “One please.”

—patty cake

Aftermath: Game over…I didn’t even go to the movie. I told him I changed my mind and walked away. I canceled Match.com.

This post was submitted by patty cake.

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“Age of Love”

best of manners

I had been dating a younger man for several years. I had never been so in sync with anyone before and he felt the same way. He said: “This is the most incredible relationship; it’s beyond my wildest dreams.” I agreed. But I knew it was over when he said he loved me so much but he was doubtful because (his very words) “I don’t want to get stuck with an old lady.” Wow, words of love from Mr. Sensitive!

—Boopy

Aftermath: It turns out I didn’t get stuck with an idiot.

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“Getting Even”

best of clashes

My wife of 20 years cheated the 1st time with her boss & the 2nd time with our Roman Catholic priest. She cried & begged me to stay. I did & watched her spend all her savings to nice me up while I saved every cent. Now she is broke & brokenhearted and can’t pay next months rent. She will be evicted. I’m leaving this weekend fully satisfied and vindicated.

—Louis

Aftermath: I won’t even say good-bye. She’ll have to figure it out.

This post was submitted by Louis.

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