“At least he was clean…”

best of sex

After sex, I asked him why he spent so much time in the bathroom before returning to bed, and he said “I had to wash my genitals.”


Aftermath: It ended one month later, which was one month too long.

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“Unwelcome Twin”


It was over when she told me that she was jealous of the relationship I had with my identical twin and that my twin was no longer welcome in our home.


Aftermath: I walked out with my twin and said, “Well, my relationship is ending tonight.” About two hours later, it was over, though her drama dragged on for 4 more months!

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“Sniffing Redux”

best of weird

She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.


Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.

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“Or What”


I started dating a friend and five minutes into our first date, he looked at me and asked, “So… we gonna make out now or what?” He also invited himself to spend the night at my place that same night. I told him that I’d rather he didn’t, as I had to get up early for work, but he insisted. When I got blankets and a pillow from the closet for him, he rolled his eyes and said, quite peevishly, “So I guess I’m sleeping on the couch, then?”


Aftermath: I broke up with him a week later. He still tells people that when I “figure out what I want,” we’ll be together. It’s been almost four years since that first date.

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best of secrets!

I found out he had gone MIA because he had been in jail. I stupidly took him back only to have him go MIA…again.


Aftermath: I quit trying to pursue the “relationship,” or lack thereof. Years later, I also found out the entire time we had been datinghe was engaged.

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