Our relationship was a bit strained from the start, mainly because she liked to smoke weed and steal things from my apartment (which I’d eventually steal back). I was serving my 10th year in the Navy and living outside the base. The one thing I asked of her was to never smoke marijuana in my car. I was driving to work one morning and the military police pulled my car over for a random drug search. I didn’t think anything of it until the drug sniffing dog found her leftovers.

—Tom

Aftermath: Right after work, I confronted her about my “near jail experience.” She couldn’t understand why it was a big deal. She almost flushed my career down the toilet.

I walked into his room and found swords hanging on his walls—legitimate samurai swords. When I asked him about it, he had a distant look on his face, and said “I am warrior.” Not “I am a warrior”—just “I am warrior.” Needless to say, I was frightened…and confused.

—Maddy

Aftermath: It lasted about two days after that. I gently ended it of course, after being a bit frightened for my life.

We had finished having sex for the first time. He jumped up out of bed and said, “I’m going to 7-11. You want me to get you some beef jerky?”

—TPoppins

Aftermath: I broke it off the next day.

It was over when I realized the thing I would miss most about his lying, cheating, sorry ass was his help carrying in the groceries.

—Natahley

Aftermath: We broke up. He moved out. I lugged my heavy groceries up to the fourth floor alone. I met a wonderful man, whom I’m now engaged to. I don’t speak to the loser anymore.

He implied that my girlfriends and I went out on the town to chase boys—and he therefore didn’t think I should go out with the girls. Insecurity = not very hot.

—Bill

Aftermath: I ditched his lame ass and I still never chase boys on girls’ nights.