I read something about a woman setting her husband up with a comfortable life so she wouldn’t feel guilty about leaving him. I saw an unsettling connection between my wife’s excitement about my recent promotion, so I asked “Are you happy for me because you want a divorce?” She said I was crazy. But, she left me a week later, after months of planning. I knew it was over when she was happy for me.
—Marc
He cried when the Denver Broncos lost. He didn’t live in Denver, hadn’t gone to college there and had no money riding on the game. He never even played football.
—Nicole
Aftermath: It lasted about three months after that. I realized that I played more football than he did.
I went to a New Year’s Eve party and thought, “You are ugly and I’m not attracted to you.” I was only dating her to get in her friend’s pants.
—Brian
Aftermath: I broke it off New Year’s Day. God, I’m such an a**hole.
She spent our date telling me how she’d had an affair with our waitress, which was fine. That happens when you date a stripper—it’s half the reason you date a stripper. But, when she took me home, she drove demon-fast, erratically and sang over an ear-splitting stereo. She then flashed the cars next to us while swerving into their lane.
—Rob
Aftermath: I never called her again, though she did show up at my house on her break, wearing a waist-length blond wig. I turned her down gently, not telling her that she was two degrees too crazy for me.
At the end of dinner at a high-end restaurant, he blew his nose into a cloth napkin.
—Joanne
Aftermath: That was it. Gross.
