“Shopping spies”

best of secrets!

He called me from out of the country and told me that he knew I was in a grocery store. And he wanted to know who I was shopping with (a male friend who had a car). Turns out his friends saw me and called him to tell him what I was doing.


Aftermath: I found out that he was an international drug dealer, living under a different name, was married, and had 5 children by 5 women—all at age 26.

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best of sex

I had never been that sexually attracted to my boyfriend. One morning, after a long, booze-filled night, I was hungover and headachy. He tried to have sex with me anyway. I just acquiesced because I figured I could just lay there. I realized, as he was taking his pants off and thrusting toward me, that the reason I wasn’t attracted to him was because with his big round belly and hard dick, he looked like a bee coming at me with its stinger.


Aftermath: It lasted less than two weeks after that. We never had sex again.

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best of chemistry

Physically, she was everything I wanted in a woman. Yet her thick Russian accent and her choice of words were holding her back from being a perfect “10.” One evening, we cuddled on the bed and watched TV when I noticed her large hoop earnings. I told her how nice they looked and she immediately responded, “I will make you jump through hoops for me,” in that thick Russian accent. Those words, along with her strong accent, turned me off instantly. Her gorgeous looks couldn’t save her.


Aftermath: Two days after the comment she became the first and only girl I broke up with via text message.

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“Backstreet Boys”


A girl picked me up for a date and as she started riffling through her CDs to put some music in, I noticed that all she had was Backstreet Boys, Justin Timberlake, *NSYNC and 98 Degrees. And she was 34.


Aftermath: There was no second date.

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It was over when she told me that she was allergic to latex.

—Chicago Chris

Aftermath: 2 Weeks.

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