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“Ask the Cat”

best of chemistry

It was over when he asked his cats what I wanted to do that day. In a doggy voice.

—Mizz Gooch

Aftermath: I f***ing hate cats. Only later did I find out that he named one of his cats after his favorite porn star.

This post was submitted by Mizz Gooch.


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“Sex Drive”

best of sex

I was going down on this girl, working pretty hard, and all of a sudden she says, totally deadpan, “I would really be enjoying this if my medication didn’t kill my sex drive.”

—Tom

Aftermath: I finished the deed that night, but broke off contact shortly thereafter.

This post was submitted by Tom.


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“Down South”

best of sex

On our first date we headed to the car for some making out. After parking somewhere and getting it started in the back seat, Round 1 ended. Round 2 starts and I’m down south and he farts. “Oops, sorry babe…”

—vic

Aftermath: It didn’t smell, but for some reason my stomach hurts every time I think about it.

This post was submitted by vic1986.


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“Beards”

chemistry

I like men with beards. It was over when i realized that all we had in common was that i liked beards and he used to have one.

—Barbara

Aftermath: It took a few months, and there were other reasons, but I realized that this was the turning point. He also had a weak chin.


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“Buffalo Sabres”

chemistry

We were both huge Buffalo Sabres hockey fans. After a few weeks telling me we were going to go to a few games because her father had season tickets, she called me. She had three things to tell me. 1) We were going to go a Sabres game the next week. 2) She wanted to be just friends from then on out.

—S

Aftermath: Well, there was no number 3, we never wound up going to the game, and she started dating some other dude shortly after. I believe they have been to many games.

This post was submitted by S.


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