My husband and best friend walked into our apartment together. He informed me she was pregnant, it was his and I was out—she was in. Those were his exact words.

— Jules

Aftermath: I took him for everything he had.

I reached for a box of Cheez-Its. He implied I shouldn’t eat them. I said “Why not? You don’t seem to mind looking at my a**.” He grabbed one of my thighs, jiggled it, and said “It’s not your a** I’m worried about.”

— cheezitbabe

Aftermath: I broke up with him.

I asked him to meet my parents. He declined. A few months later, my father passed away. He then told me he would like to meet my mother. I asked, “Why now?” He said, “Well now that your dad is dead I don’t have to worry about meeting him.”

— @ S |-| L 3 Y

Aftermath: I never talked to him again.

She told me that she was going to fart in front of me at a McDonald’s.

— kyle

Aftermath: We didn’t go to McDonald’s.

He went to Nicaragua and brought me a REAL petrified alligator leaning against a pole, lacquered and smoking a pipe.

— Lisa

Aftermath: Taxidermy does not a good gift make.