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“Bad Timing”

best of weird

I was in mourning over a kid who had died from heat stroke. I didn’t know him personally, but the thought of dying so young got to me. I was crying on my boyfriend’s couch, and he tried to console me. Then, he put my hand on his crotch and tried to make me give him a handjob while I was sobbing. Hot.

Nicky

Aftermath: Thankfully, his grandmother came in so he threw my hand off. It lasted maybe 3 months afterward, and there is no justifying that duration.

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“Sister”

best of weird

It should have been over when he told me he had sex with his sister. They weren’t blood related, but raised from toddler age. Their parents supported their sick relationship. I figured he loved me when he stopped seeing her on their “Wednesday nights” and asked me to marry him. What a mistake. He never slept in the same bed with me, and would only touch my arm with his finger as a sign of affection. I asked him if he had been sexually abused and he screamed, “No!” like a frantic woman.

Betty

Aftermath: A few sad, pathetic years. During that time he stashed away $50,000. I asked for no alimony. I am with my real husband now and our life is blessed!

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“English”

quirks

She said, “Sometimes when I speak English too much, I get a headache.” I know one language…English.

—Lolo

Aftermath: First and final date.

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“Social Anxiety”

best of clashes

My best friend’s mom died when we were 17. My boyfriend at the time was a friend of hers too, and we both went out of state to be with her for the funeral. He spent the whole weekend whining about his social anxiety disorder and how he hated the food everyplace we wentin front of my friend who had just lost her mother.

Alissa

Aftermath: It lasted two more months. I talked to him less and less while he whined about how much he missed me, and then I met someone else at a ballroom dance class.

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“Bum Money”

quirks

He was living rent-free with his mother and was always broke. I chalked it up to his bad employment luck and confusion over what to do with his life. I should have known when he’d work a 4-hour shift and complain for an hour, then snap at me if I tried to commiserate over my 8-hour shift. It wasn’t until he came into a few thousand bucks and had to bum money for bus fare 3 months later. He then complained about spending money on my birthday.

Red

Aftermath: I got sick of carting his a** around, and 6 months later, he started getting violent. I married a wonderful man he introduced me to.

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