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“Stuffed and mounted”

best of weird

I knew it was over when my boyfriend of 7 years came home from work and asked me: If I was to die, could he have me stuffed and mounted? He had the nerve to ask if he could drive me to the notary.

—No Stuffed Turkey

Postscript: No wonder he had all them mannequins.


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“Exorcism”

best of weird

I came home one evening and found him wandering around in my apartment complex parking lot and wearing my shorts. When I stepped into my apartment, he had candles lit and some of my pictures on the walls were upside down. He told me he was performing an exorcism to get rid my demons.

—Patty

Aftermath: I knew it was over and changed my locks.


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“Apologetic Sexting”

best of chemistry

He’d send me a text telling me he was horny and asking me if I was, then apologize because he respected me too much to do that… only to text me the same thing an hour later.

—anem0ne

Aftermath: After ending it and receiving several sad, whiny drunk texts, I sent him a long series of messages detailing exactly why I didn’t think we would work out. I haven’t heard since.

This post was submitted by anem0ne.


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“Geriatric Ovaries”

best of manners

It was over when he told me I had geriatric ovaries. He proceeded to tell me that women who haven’t had children by the time they were 30 are actually considered geriatric and their chance of having Down syndrome babies increases by 30%.

—Katherine

Aftermath: He invited me back to his place for baklava and whiskey because it increased my chances of having a baby without Down syndrome. I declined and never spoke to him again.

This post was submitted by Katherine.


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“WINNER! High-larious”

best of clashes

It was over when I got a bag of weed with little hearts drawn on it for Valentine’s Day. I don’t smoke…

—SeelyD

Aftermath: After reminding him that I don’t smoke, he suggested we go out and sell it. We broke up shortly after.

This post was submitted by SeelyD.

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