After going down on my girlfriend and giving her an amazing orgasm, she proudly said she wasn’t going to return the favor because “I’ve gone down on lots of guys and never gotten anything in return. This is payback.”

— Derrick

Aftermath: Quit trying with her.

He left me 18 days after our wedding, and 8 days after his ex came into town.

— Not a vaccuum

Aftermath: I would probably have given him another chance, if he hadn’t shown up to move out with a huge hickey.

We finally watched “The Shawshank Redemption,” one of my favorite movies, together. After the movie ended (with the uplifting music and feel-good meeting of Andy and Red on the beach) I asked what she thought. Her response? “That’s the most depressing movie I’ve ever seen. Those men will never get their lives back.”

— Zach

Aftermath: We broke up a month later and have rarely spoken since.

Going to a costume party for Halloween, my boyfriend was incredibly more excited about he and his friend going as lesbians than me going as a Playboy Bunny.

— lemonlime

Aftermath: He might not have appreciated my costume. but his friend did. A lot…

We started making out, and his chewing tobacco spit went into my mouth.

— Katie

Aftermath: I never saw, or spoke, to him again.