We went through the drive thru window at fast food place and he ordered a fish sandwich and pronounced it the “fill-ett o’ fish.” He wasn’t joking and I knew he was just too stupid to continue the relationship.
—Alexa
Aftermath: I broke up with him a couple weeks later and it only lasted that long because the sex was good.
I knew it was over on our second date when he threw his legs over his shoulders and proudly lit a thunderous fart on fire with a lighter.
—Tiff
Aftermath: Ended shortly thereafter, for obvious reasons. The white ball of flame was impressive, though.
This guy was painfully shy around me, never spoke; he could only write letters and send mix tapes full of R.E.M. to express himself. He was intense, artistic, mysterious, and pretty cute—so I tried to make something work. One night, we had a drink and went for a walk. He started to talk, open up, then stumble around and fall down. Then declared that he loved me. He was so drunk, I had to carry him home and put him to bed. I guess the only way we could converse was if he was smashed.
—Sasha
Aftermath: We never spoke of that night. In fact, we never spoke again. Technically, we weren’t even dating, as that supposes a two way street of shared experiences—and there was nothing but awkward silence.
It was over when my Mom broke us up. She was my first girlfriend.
—Jesse
Aftermath: She’s marrying another guy in August…you win some, you lose some.
About 6 months into the relationship, she took a particularly hothothot sexual act off the menu. “That ship has sailed,” she said. So did I.
—Perry
Aftermath: Despite the bait-and-switch, we’ve remained friends.
