weird

 

“Unable to move”

weird

I stood up from taking a nap and my eye fell upon a corner of the green rug. Out of nowhere, I thought, “If you don’t leave now, you will be with him for the rest of your life.” I stood there for several full minutes, unable to move, staring at the corner of the rug, absorbing the fact that somehow the life I’d known for six unhappy years had just changed.

—Autumn

Aftermath: I left him three weeks later, and it remains the single kindest thing I’ve ever done for myself.


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“Puppy Love”

best of chemistry weird

I met a guy who worked at Pet Smart, and we went on a date the next Friday. We went back to my place, and I went to put on my sexy lingerie. I came out to my date simulating doggy-style sex with my dog. I proceeded to watch him slap my dog’s *ss. After I interrupted the two, he said my dog had a nice *ss.

—Andrew

Aftermath: I had to give my dog up for adoption. Unfortunately for Rover, he ended up with an adoption agency that was located in the same Pet Smart the guy worked at. The agency called me a day after giving him up, saying Rover had been adopted.

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“Mail Order Baby”

weird

I was living in another state. She called me on the phone wanting me to “collect a sample” freeze it and send it to her so she could impregnate herself nine months before I got home. She thought it would be romantic to step off the plane and into the hospital for the birth of our “child.”

— katghoti

Aftermath: No sample, no baby, no more attachment.


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“Barney or Fred?”

best of weird

She “attempted” suicide by eating two more than the recommended dosage of aspirin…

— Luis

Aftermath: Played along with it and talked her down until she agreed that suicide wasn’t the answer. Was worried she might try it again with a harsher drug…like Flinstones chewable vitamins.


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“Jail Bait”

best of weird

I was 20 years old and dating a high school teacher in his early thirties. I jokingly remarked one morning that I was not much older than some of his students to which he replied, “I’m living vicariously through you because I can’t lay a hand on any of them.”

— Em

Aftermath: I bolted and never contacted him again.


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