weird

 

“Serial Killer”

best of weird

I dated this gal for a month and she told me she would swim to the bottom of the ocean for me. I replied with “But your head would explode.” She said that was fine, if it were for me. Then I asked her if she would still love me if I was a serial killer. She said yes!

Max Armbar

Aftermath: Needless to say, I did not kill multiple people to see if she was telling the truth. I just got the heck out of Dodge.

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“Nibbling”

best of weird

The first time we kissed, she bit my lip. I’m not opposed to nibbling, but she busted it open.

Tony

Aftermath: 15 minutes

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“Pretty Crazy”

weird

We had this growing relationship, seemed well for about a month. She was pretty crazy, but I thought it was kind of cool. She eventually cut things off and started dating her best male friend. She started treating me like sh*t and harassing me in front of friends. A year later, she got a hold of me and we made out one night. I realized those feelings weren’t there and cut things off as politely as I could.

Bud

Aftermath: At 16, she married a 36-year-old with 3 kids. She cheated on him, he stabbed the man and went to jail. We never came close to sex. She never saw me naked but told all my friends I had a small penis.

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“Dream cheater”

weird

He had a dream where he cheated on me with my best friend. I didn’t really mind, but thought to myself, “Wouldn’t it be funny if he blamed me somehow for this?”…which he did! He said it was my fault I made him have the dream because he wasn’t secure enough…or some crap!

Julie

Aftermath: After three horrible on-and-off years, I finally ended it. He was cried and said he was going to kill himself, and I just didn’t care anymore!

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“Black Enough”

best of weird

I was having sex with a tall giant, she was 2 feet taller than me. I thought there could possibly be a relationship, but I was wrong. I was not black enough for her. F myself. I am the sexiest motherf****r that ever walked the planet. I can get any girl I want. That is for damned sure. Apparently, the rope and bombs were too hardcore for her. As I look back on the relationship, I am glad I did not care too much about it. I mean, she lived in a dream!!!

—Jack

Aftermath: Stood her up seven times. She finally got the hint!

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