weird

 

“Mail Order Baby”

weird

I was living in another state. She called me on the phone wanting me to “collect a sample” freeze it and send it to her so she could impregnate herself nine months before I got home. She thought it would be romantic to step off the plane and into the hospital for the birth of our “child.”

— katghoti

Aftermath: No sample, no baby, no more attachment.

This post was submitted by katghoti.


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“Barney or Fred?”

best of weird

She “attempted” suicide by eating two more than the recommended dosage of aspirin…

— Luis

Aftermath: Played along with it and talked her down until she agreed that suicide wasn’t the answer. Was worried she might try it again with a harsher drug…like Flinstones chewable vitamins.

This post was submitted by Luis.


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“Jail Bait”

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I was 20 years old and dating a high school teacher in his early thirties. I jokingly remarked one morning that I was not much older than some of his students to which he replied, “I’m living vicariously through you because I can’t lay a hand on any of them.”

— Em

Aftermath: I bolted and never contacted him again.

This post was submitted by Em.


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“Dog Surgeon”

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I came home and discovered that he had gotten drunk and decided to cut my 20 year old dog’s skin tags off with a kitchen knife and bandage him up with duct tape.

— Lo

Aftermath: The duct tape fell off and I came home the next day to the other dog licking his wounds. That was it for me.

This post was submitted by Lo.

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“Un-circumcise contraption”

best of weird

He announced he was still traumatized from being circumcised and he wanted to “grow it back.”

He spent every day with his tiny unit wrapped in surgical tape and popsicle sticks, with a lead weight dangling from it. Then he accused me of not wanting to have sex with him. Um, why would I?? He was lousy in bed anyway, even when he wasn’t wrapped like a mummy.

— Kat

Aftermath: I moved out. He emailed about a year later to tell me his little project was a success, but I told him that wasn’t an appropriate topic between us.

This post was submitted by kat.


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