He would buy me roses, the yellow ones with the red tips. Two months later, he told me that the devil told him we were meant to be together. The roses where the devil’s pick.

—Christine

Aftermath: That night I ended it. He stalked me a few weeks. Luckily he moved and I never heard from him again.

She suggested we get married, move into my grandmother’s house, move my grandmother out, sell the house and then move into a smaller house in her city, 200 miles away. She brought this up repeatedly over a couple of months and got angrier every time I expressed any doubt about this scheme. It devolved into her calling me up at odd hours to scream and curse at me about the housing market and what a “f***ing dope” I was being.

—M

Aftermath: I couldn’t take her verbal abuse anymore, so I ended our five-year relationship via text. She left me a ton of voice mail and ended up mailing back my things — after she smashed them all into tiny bits.

She decided to sick one of her jealous male peons on me for missing two phone calls while I was at work. She thought I was “screwing around,” in spite of conclusive evidence to the contrary. So this guy shows up at my doorstep with a carving knife. Fantastic.

—KKC

Aftermath: One angry phone call and new pistol later…I am glad the guy was pretty weak.

After dinner and a movie, I was dropping her off at home. As I turned to look at her, I could see her getting ready for a kiss. Thinking she was out of my league, I just went for an awkward hug. She got out of the car looking perplexed.

—William

Aftermath: I never had a chance to get past the friend barrier after that.

He told me that he was a warlock and had magical powers.

—Christy

Aftermath: After I heard this, I stayed as far away from this man as possible.