weird

 

“Tea Bag”

best of weird

I got up to go get a glass of water and came back into my bedroom to find my boyfriend on his knees proceeding to tea bag my sleeping friend.

Holly

Aftermath: Needless to say, I told him to zip up his pants and leave.

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“Birthday Double Whammy”

best of weird

I’d been in the relationship for a few months and it was going nowhere. I invited here out to dinner so I could call it off in a public place. She took it harder than expected; I’d forgotten it was her birthday.

—Jon

Aftermath: We got back together months later, and when I knew it was over, again, I waited an extra two weeks so I could break up on her birthday again.

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“Bad Timing”

best of weird

I was in mourning over a kid who had died from heat stroke. I didn’t know him personally, but the thought of dying so young got to me. I was crying on my boyfriend’s couch, and he tried to console me. Then, he put my hand on his crotch and tried to make me give him a handjob while I was sobbing. Hot.

Nicky

Aftermath: Thankfully, his grandmother came in so he threw my hand off. It lasted maybe 3 months afterward, and there is no justifying that duration.

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“Sister”

best of weird

It should have been over when he told me he had sex with his sister. They weren’t blood related, but raised from toddler age. Their parents supported their sick relationship. I figured he loved me when he stopped seeing her on their “Wednesday nights” and asked me to marry him. What a mistake. He never slept in the same bed with me, and would only touch my arm with his finger as a sign of affection. I asked him if he had been sexually abused and he screamed, “No!” like a frantic woman.

Betty

Aftermath: A few sad, pathetic years. During that time he stashed away $50,000. I asked for no alimony. I am with my real husband now and our life is blessed!

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“Sniffing Redux”

best of weird

She caught me sniffing her daughter’s dildo.

—John

Aftermath: I moved my crap out the next day.

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